NOCTI Guide
He Won Laguna Beach, Then Said 'I'm Gay' and Almost Hit Delete
A Laguna Beach champion with a sport-psychology degree says the scariest rep of his life was two words long. Here's why 'thankful' beats 'brave.'
Match point was never the scary part
Picture the résumé. Pro beach volleyball player based in Los Angeles. A 2025 AVP Laguna Beach Open title with his partner Logan Webber. A master's degree in sport and exercise psychology, which means he literally studied how athletes handle pressure. And yet, according to PinkNews, the hardest rep of Alex Ukkelberg's career was two words long. "I'm gay." This week the Minnesota-raised athlete posted an Instagram reel that made it official for the internet. Not for his family. Not for his volleyball friends. They have known for years. Just for the rest of us, the scrolling public, who apparently needed a memo. So why does a guy who has already won on one of the most famous beaches in Southern California still feel his stomach drop at the upload button? Hold that thought.
The reel, the reveal, and the itch to hit delete
In the reel, Ukkelberg walks through a story a lot of men will recognize. Growing up, he told himself there was simply no way he could be gay. Then came what he described as quite a few years of very bad mental health, until he decided he could not give up either identity: the athlete or the gay man. Then comes the line that belongs on somebody's Thanksgiving place card. He said he is, "honestly, I'm thankful that I'm gay. It's made me a better, more empathetic person," as quoted by PinkNews. And then the most human part. He admitted that even after making it real, part of him wanted to just delete the whole thing. Same, babe. Same. Anyone who has ever typed a bold text, stared at it, and hovered over the trash can knows the feeling. The difference is he pressed post.
Sand, sweat and a group chat called GayVP
Here's the plot twist nobody puts on a highlight reel: he was never alone out there. Ukkelberg told Outsports, as reported by PinkNews, that he had been out to family and friends for a long time, and that sharing more on social media simply felt right because people need to see it. Fellow pro Charlie Siragusa, who is openly gay and plays on the same tour, told Outsports that Ukkelberg is a great person who honors every part of who he is. The two are in a group chat of gay players with the best name in professional sports: GayVP. Let that sink in. Somewhere between tournaments, there is a thread full of gay athletes trading notes on sunscreen, serve receive and probably someone's questionable tank top. That's not gossip. That's a support system with Wi-Fi.
Why the locker room still feels like a final exam
If a Laguna Beach champion nearly hits delete, imagine the guy in a Sunday rec league, the 6 a.m. gym regular, or the dad coaching Saturday soccer. The research explains the nerves. The Out on the Fields project, which draws on more than 12,000 participants across Europe, North America, Australia and New Zealand, reports that 80% of gay, bi and straight people have witnessed or experienced homophobic behavior in sport. It also reports that 73% believe it is not safe for lesbian, gay and bi people to come out in youth sport. That's not a vibe. That's a scoreboard. So when an athlete says out loud that being gay made him better, not weaker, it does something a statistic can't. It shows the next guy a version of the ending where he still gets to play.
NOCTI's take: Thankful is the new brave
Coming-out stories usually get sold as courage. And sure, it takes guts. But Ukkelberg's word was thankful, and honestly, that is the hotter flex. Brave suggests you survived something. Thankful suggests you gained something: empathy, better friendships, a group chat with a pun for a name. It moves the story from "what did it cost you?" to "what did it give you?" Also, can we retire the idea that a man has to pick between being an athlete and being gay? He played every match with both. He just stopped hiding one of them.
Your coming-out game plan (no spike required)
You don't need a reel, a trophy or a beach to do this your way. A few plays that work: 1. Start with your inner circle. Ukkelberg told family and friends years before he told Instagram. Public can wait. Private is plenty. 2. Find your GayVP. A team, a run club, a queer sports league, a group chat. People who get it make the heavy days lighter. 3. Write it before you say it. A draft in your notes app gives your brain a rehearsal, and you can edit a draft as many times as you like. 4. Pick your timing, not theirs. A holiday, a birthday, a random Tuesday. There's no deadline, and nobody is owed a press release. 5. Look after your head. If things feel heavy, talk to a friend or a professional. In the US, you can call or text 988 at any hour. That urge to hit delete after you share? Totally normal. Give it a day before you decide anything.
The takeaway (and your next move)
Being yourself isn't a weakness in your game. It might be the part that makes you good at it. Want more real stories about men taking care of their bodies, heads and hearts, on their own terms? Follow @nocti.men and explore joinnocti.com/discover.
SourcesPinkNews, Out on the Fields +1 more
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